Dungeons & Dentures

The group set off to the cheerful sight of a rising sun. As they deliberated on how to spend their weeks travels, Poi$onblad3 looked over her two pet human adult men. Soft Eddie sat wrapped in a blanket, taking in the group with his huge expressive eyes. The thug they had captured sat trussed up in ropes, taking in the group with his huge fearful eyes. She removed his gag to give him some food which he eagerly tried to eat, but struggled without his teeth. Seeing this sad sight, Poison experienced a sudden change of heart. "I'm sorry for hurting you." The thug looked at her, startled and confused. John piped in, "I'm sorry for punching out your teeth." Realizing they weren't playing some joke on him, and unprepared for this kindness, the bandit started openly weeping. "I'm sor... Sor... Sorry for ki... Ki... Kidnapping you." He stammered out between sobs. Poison and John groped along the floor of the cart, looking for teeth left over from John's punch, which Poison incorporated into a set of dentures which she began to carve, replacing the teeth they couldn't find (half of them) with wood. This gesture seemed to deeply move the bandit. "What is your name?" John asked him. The bandit replied that he didn't want to think of himself as the man he had been and wanted them to give him a new name so he could fully embrace his new start on life. Poison Christened him Bumpy Pete and ordered Soft Eddie to give him a comforting hug, which Soft Eddie very much wanted to do anyways.

 

Meanwhile, as the cart made its passage, Kulak swooped and hovered far above them. He peered across the plains and outcroppings of trees as the morning drew on. Finally he spotted a humanoid figure approaching them in the distance. He suspiciously examined this person and discovered that they were approaching the group unrelentingly. He tucked his wings beside him and dove towards this figure, pulling up short of a terrified beet farmer. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" He demanded. "Oh please let me go I only have a few beets to give you."

"What?"

"I don't have gold but I can give you some of my beets I know how this works it's not my first time being robbed."

"I'm not robbing you."

"Coulda fooled me, swooping around here with your hammer all aggressive like."

"Oh uh, I'm not from around here."

"Oh no way, ya don't say there mr bird man with your strange clothes! Look, take a beet here and let me go without hurting me, deal?"

"I'm NOT robbing you!" Kulak turned and flew off, with the man unsuccessfully trying to throw one of his beets to him. It fell short. He picked up the beet and turned to see a reinforced cart covered in blood streaks. He desperately readied a beet to throw to this ominous cart for his safety but somehow clubbed himself in the back of his head with his own beet, falling over and blinking. The cart passed without incident as the farmer blinked in the dirt.

 

The farmer was the first of several carts and farmers passing by, all of them regarding the edgy cart with exclamations and curiosity. The road slowly grew more well-worn and passed by many smaller side roads, going off to who knows where. The surrounding landscape grew more and more forested until they were walking through forests interspersed with the occasional farming community. Towards the end of the day, as the sun was beginning to set, they heard approaching hoofbeats, moving fast towards them.

 

A small gang of thugs pulled up in front of the cart, led by a man wearing a well kept black uniform. He rode the horse up to the carriage where a girl sat holding the reins, sitting beside a bored looking man slowly sipping a bottle of some kind of alcohol. Streaks of blood were smeared along the side of the cart. This was definitely it. "Where did you get this cart?" He asked. The girl looked legitimately shocked.

"Oh, this? We just found this like this!"

There wasn't a trace of guile in her voice. Some innocent girl and a bunch of hicks probably. Who knows what happened to the hired muscle, though. He better investigate. "I will investigate the cart. You will not object." Part of him secretly wanted them to try and stop him. He was about to walk up to the cart himself but then he noticed a bright eyed, creepy looking Aaracocra peering at him intently from the top of the cart. These people were kinda weird. He waved one of his minions forward.

"Oh heyyyyy, how about you don't look in there? I really like my privacy. Tell ya what, I'll give you 20 gold to leave us alone. Besides, we wouldn't be worth the fight anyways."

How had these people come up with 20 gold? Now that he looked at her again, he saw that this girl's casual posture was a bluff, and she was actually poised to spring into action. She seemed to know what she was doing. The man beside her seemed completely relaxed. He was not used to people being relaxed. Something must be up here. Besides, 20 gold was a lot, and his orders were to check in on the whereabouts of the missing cart. He found out what happened to it. "Fine. 20 gold it is."

 

As the Captain turned to leave, some of his minions tried to also leverage some gold out of Poi$onblad3 who dared them to try and take some from her, intimidating them. The greedy bandits asked their leader for some of his gold, which he denied them, trying to intimidate them into silence as well. However, confused by his recent interaction, he was not very intimidating. Sensing weakness, three of the bandits were not intimidated and turned their bows on him. They failed to intimidate one of the Captain's remaining two bandits but the other one fled behind the cart where he cowered from the impending conflict.

 

The bandit group held bows ready for a while before one of the mutineers let loose an attempt at a pre-emptive strike at his former leader, missing him in the process. The captain's loyal bandit shot the mutineer in the stomach from close range and the fight was on. Declining Poison's help, the captain struggled in melee with one of the bandits while another tried and failed to shoot him, letting arrows off into the setting sun. The captain's loyal bandit and the mutineer traded shots right into the stomach of the other, each struggling to breathe and trying to wear down the other first. Poisonblade cheered and booed and provided a commentary to the frustrated and divided bandit group. The black suited man still ignored her offers for help, and the battle continued evenly until John snuck under the cart and shot an arrow at the Captain, hitting him squarely and wounding him greatly. The captain whirled around, seeing John who looked incredibly shocked that he had hit the captain. "Sorry, it slipped!" Said John. The captain bought his explanation but, recognizing his predicament and sensing death, swallowed his pride and asked the girl and her group for help. Before she could accept, John called up to her, telling her to squeeze him for gold, which she did. Convinced, and sensing no other option, the captain agreed to her offer for 40 gold and watched the gang in action. The bird finally spoke, shouting out "You traitorous conniving worms! Your greed has destroyed you!" and opened up a thunderwave over the bandits, snapping the spine of one and breaking the bones of their horses.

 

The two remaining bandits turned to run but John put an arrow through the throat of one of them and the loyal bandit put an arrow through the shoulder of the other, but that wasn't enough to bring him down. He ran a short ways down the road before Kulak caught up to him, bursting his head with his warhammer.

Poi$on and the bald bandit both ran to loot the corpses until Kulak looked threateningly at the bald guy, causing him to back up. The black suited man gathered the hearts from the three fallen and stood waiting as John, Poi$on, and Daisy painted the cart fully red with the blood of their former comrades. The black suited man proved true to his word, giving the 20 gold back plus 20 more gold and offered the horse of the cowardly bandit as a gift, to open the door for lucrative dealings in the future. He burnt the remaining bodies and left down the road, less 20 gold and three bandits but for some reason seeming satisfied.